Take a Deep Breath. . .

This week's call came from Helen. She runs a department with 56 employees, within a very large company. As she said, "I'm starting to lose it."

"When I looked at my calendar for the week, I realized how ridiculous it was. Who am I--Superman? Every day had one thing scheduled after another. Meetings, reports to write, reports to review. Two client lunches. Three performance reviews. It's madness."

Most of us can relate to Helen's situation. Stress is a common factor in our lives. The key is how we react to it.

I have one client, Barry, who is a schedule fanatic. Every minute of his day is scheduled. When someone runs late or something unexpected comes up, Barry freaks. His intensity is visible to those around him. Truth be told, he's not much fun to be around when he's like that.

I suggested that Barry block out two 30-minute periods--one in the morning, one in the afternoon--and leave those times open. Those two periods give him time to accommodate slips in his schedule--a meeting runs over, a client is late, whatever. Those times provide a pressure release for Barry so he can reduce his stress.

Do a Reality Check

I usually keep my Outlook calendar on the monthly view. When I looked at this week's schedule, I almost lost it. What idiot (that being me) had crammed so much into the week? It appeared each day was booked with back to back meetings, presentations, calls, etc.

I needed to get myself grounded in reality. I changed the calendar to the weekly view and what a better view it was. I saw that I actually had some gaps between meetings. I found one meeting I could reschedule for next month. I saw that a couple appointments are with favorite clients, so those are going to be fun. A couple of meetings are to get new clients, which I enjoy.

The bottom line here is that when we lose it, the best thing we can do for ourselves is to get grounded in reality.

Squash That Stress

Here are some other tips for reducing stress.

• Take a walk. Physical activity is a great stress reducer for most people.
• This sounds strange but it works. Schedule worry time. Write your concerns on a piece of paper and put it in an envelope. Write a "worry time" such as 2:15-2:30 on the envelope. Put the envelope aside and don't worry about things until 2:15. After your 15 minutes of worrying, put the paper back in the envelope and put a new worry time on it.
• Another tactic is to write your worries on little pieces of paper. Wad the paper into balls and ceremoniously throw them away.
• If you like organization and are stressed by a lack of it, give yourself 15 minutes to tackle one small area that needs to be cleaned up.
• Practice deep breathing, sometimes called belly breathing. Use your diaphragm to suck in oxygen, which helps you relax.
• Stretch. Your muscles hold the stress you are feeling. Stretching them helps release chemicals produced by the stress.
• Pet a puppy. Smile. Sing a tune. Listen to music. Have fun.

Life is too short to let stress get to you, even in tough times.

Don't Make a Monkey Out of Yourself

Before I get to today's post, I have a request. We are trying to build our online community of engineers. Please forward our blog site to your friends and colleagues so they can join us, too.

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This morning Mark and I were talking about the generation of folks coming out of college and in their 20s. I mentioned some young engineers I talked with at the ACEC/GA conference in June. I was just amazed at their enthusiasm and eagerness to get involved.

Mark repeated what he has said before: We hire them and beat the leadership and enthusiasm out of them over time. We wear them down until they look and act like us.

I would hate to see that happen to the folks I talked with. I would hate to see that happen to ACEC/GA Future Leaders program participants that I get to work with each year.

Our conversation reminded me of this tale.

Subject: Company Policy

Start with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage,
hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it.
Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb
towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray
all of the other monkeys with cold water. After a while,
another monkey makes an attempt with the same result - all the
other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when
another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys
will try to prevent it.

Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage
and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana
and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all
of the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt and
attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will
be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace
it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is
attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment
with enthusiasm! Likewise, replace a third original monkey
with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth.

Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is
attacked. Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no
idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why
they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.

After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining
monkeys has ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless,
no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the
banana.

Why not?

Because, as far as they know, that's the way it's always been
done around here.

And that, my friends, is how company policy begins.

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The moral of the story: Don't make a monkey out of yourself or those you work with.

Watch Your Wake!

This week's problem from the people corner is how to handle Big Larry--his attitude and the wake he leaves behind.

Susan, manager of a mid-size firm, called exasperated.

"I need help handling Larry, one of my project managers," she said. "He's never been a real upbeat guy, but the current economy really has him down. He exudes pessimism every time he opens his mouth."

"And he doesn't care who is around to hear it," Susan continued. "It's having a negative effect on his staff-well, really on all of us. I need to keep people optimistic and busy. His attitude is making that very difficult for me."

TIME FOR A LITTLE CHAT

Susan needs to take Larry aside and have a frank talk with him. He probably doesn't realize his negativity is having such an impact on his staff, as well as others. One thing he needs to realize is that he leaves a wake wherever he goes.

Just as a motorboat leaves a wake behind it, Larry leaves a wake behind him. His negativity doesn't take up much space when it leaves his mouth, but, like a boat's wake, it spreads far and wide. If you've ever been in a canoe when a power boat comes ripping by, you know how you grip the sides of the canoe and pray you don't end up in the water.

So, the number one thing Susan needs to alert Larry to is that he leaves a wake that shakes up everybody else.

YOU FIND WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR

The second part of the discussion is that Larry needs to keep his mouth shut. A project manager is supposed to provide leadership to his team. Leaders do not go around complaining, fretting, worrying out loud, particularly about things they have no control over. They don't criticize clients or coworkers. They look for solutions and ways to provide better service.

Furthermore, in focusing on the negative, Larry is simply attracting more negativity. What we look for is what we find. If you're only looking for bad news, you only find bad news. You will skip right over any good news that is out there.

Susan also needs to be alert to her own thinking. If she has Larry pegged as a naysayer and complainer, it will be harder for her to see him improve his behavior and his thinking. She needs to keep her eyes open for new and better behaviors.