Change the Channel

This week's tale of living with people focuses on Caleb, as told to me by his boss. But I suspect you'll think of several folks you know--maybe even yourself--when you read about Caleb.

Caleb works at Dean and Powell. He's married, with a couple of kids. He has a mortgage, his retirement accounts, college savings accounts. (You know where this is going, right?)

The months of depressing economic news have really taken a toll on Caleb. Or, more accurately put, Caleb has let the news depress him.

Here's what Caleb does to himself. He keeps a financial news network on his TV, has several financial news sites open on his computer, and checks the balances in his accounts several times a day.

It's no wonder he is losing it. He is constantly programming his brain with negative information.

He's making himself and everyone around him miserable. The quality of his work is probably tanking, too.

Watch Your Programming

It's the same for folks whose speech is laden with "the problem is…," "I should have gotten more done," "that's how it's supposed to be." It's all mental programming.

For Caleb to get out of the hole he has dug for himself, he needs to get different programming, different messages streaming into his brain. He needs to watch puppies at play. He needs to listen to soothing music. He needs to go outside and experience Mother Nature.

Will that change the state of the economy? No, of course not. But programming his brain with positive, relaxing thoughts and inputs will help Caleb relax some. And that will make Caleb better able to handle whatever challenges the world throws at him.

And remember: Each day, we're one day closer to the eventual turnaround.

My Own Cry for Help

Usually I use this space to offer help for people problems you folks face. Today I'm going to ask you for help--actually beg you for help.

For the last month, I have been dealing with three individuals who won't make decisions. They are driving me nuts! They know they need X, they say they need X, they can afford to get X, but they keep debating in their heads over whether to get X.

Not only that, they can do anything and everything. Just ask them. Do they do anything and everything well? Not the point. From their point of view, they can do whatever needs to be done.

Except give birth. (These 3 are all guys--got 'em on that one!)

Blinding Flash of Insight

One morning this week I woke up with a Blinding Flash of Insight-BFI as one presenter called it. These guys are all the same personality type.

With two of them, I know their Myers Briggs type--they've told me. The other one, I am assuming his type, based on observations and years of experience with type.

They are all the same. People of this personality type have always been tough for me to work with. I like to work with folks who recognize they have a need and will decide to act to address that need.

I've even consulted with psychologists and experts in personality type about how to get these guys to make a decision and move. Usually I've gotten one or two suggestions and a lot of head shaking--as in "I don't know what to do with them."

Can You Help?

The personality type I'm talking about typically is very intelligent, often looking for new ways to do things, and doesn't really need data and facts to make a decision. They often are in leadership positions or the next tier of management. They speak with authority. They often are stubborn. And some of them have been known to annoy people, to put it mildly.

Please share your ideas on how to deal with this type. Post a response to this blog. If you're not comfortable doing that, send me your thoughts at WeKnowEngineers@gmail.com.

I really need your help.

P.S.: The three guys are not members of this online community. So, if you thought I was writing about you, I wasn't. But if the shoe fits . . .

What to Do With Henry

An executive team and I were sitting at their conference table talking about people's communication styles and abilities. Joe chuckled to himself. Fred looked at Joe, smiled, and said, "I know who you're thinking of, right?"

"Yep," said Joe. "Henry."

At that, they all chimed in with stories about how Henry can't communicate. It seems Henry is one of those folks who writes really long emails and apparently believes people read them--all of them, all the way to the end.

Highlight Action Items

Any action points get buried in the middle of paragraphs on pages 4 and 9 of 12. Henry also shares his thoughts and opinions-he does not censor himself in any way.

"Henry's really a great guy," Joe said. "He just doesn't know how to communicate via email."

It's like the case at a utility company a few years ago. A junior staffer needed a specific piece of information from a VP. She wrote him an email asking for that info. He didn't respond. She waited a few days and re-sent the email. The VP still didn't respond. She tried it a third time with the same results.

After the third email, she finally walked into his office and asked why he didn't respond to her email request. "I saw what the email was about, and since it didn't apply to me, I didn't read it all," the VP said.

I couldn't blame the VP when I saw the email. It was long, it was disorganized, and the action item for the VP was buried in the next-to-last paragraph.

More Tips for Effective Email

Here is what I suggested Joe tell Henry, just like I told the junior staffer at the utility company.

1. Think before you write an email. Who does it need to go to and what outcomes do you want?

2. Realize no one will read your email past the first screen. Some folks won't go more than a paragraph or two into the message.

3. Highlight action items at the top of the email. If the message needs to be long, point out at the top that Sue needs to read paragraph 6, Bolly needs to see paragraph 9, and Sam needs to see paragraph 13. If your message is that long, you also need to number items so folks don't have to count paragraphs.

4. Don't use email as a forum to vent or share your thinking. One client received a 15-page single-space email from a very angry and concerned employee. What a rant! That is not the action of a smart professional.

5. Finally, if you're using email to capture minutes of a meeting, just put the important points in the email. Don't write it chronologically, the way minutes are typically written.

With any luck, Henry can apply these tips and save everyone time and help them respond when they need to.

Good Practices to Adopt

This week, instead of talking about problem people, I would like to pass along some great practices that are helping some of my clients be successful.

Doug decided he needed to become a better listener. When one of his staff comes into his office needing to talk, Doug asks for a minute to finish what he’s doing. Once he puts that work aside, he turns his full attention on the staffer. The staffer knows Doug is really listening. It’s a sign of respect and goes a long way toward building trust.

Greg wanted to improve his productivity and effectiveness. Now he sets aside time to answer emails that require thought and saves them as drafts. He lets them sit overnight before sending. The overnight break gives him time to think over his responses and change them if needed. This practice also keeps him focused on one task, rather than diverting his attention to answer each email when it arrives.

Jesse recognized that he needed to improve his approach to building relationships with clients. His usual practice was to start talking about his firm and what the firm could do for clients. He decided to turn the situation around, focusing on the client. Now, he spends a few minutes before a client meeting to prepare questions that are focused on the client, getting the client to open up about his concerns. This is a great way to build client relationships.

Anna kept finding her productivity dropping and her concentration broken by employees popping into her office to chat or ask a quick question. As an introvert, Anna needed chunks of time to concentrate on getting things done. She used the calendar-sharing function on Outlook to block out times when she didn’t want to be interrupted as well as open-office hours. This helped employees save their visits to open-office times and allowed Anna the periods of concentration she needed.

Send me your own best practices so I can share them with others in this online community. Or share them by commenting on this post.

When You're the Problem

Today's meeting with a client yielded some interesting results.

Joseph manages a staff of 35 or so. He's built up his department from scratch. He's a go-getter and problem solver. That's where the problem comes in.

Joseph is able to see problems and a way to fix them immediately, in any given situation, and regardless of whether anyone else thinks there's a problem. He recently was on a Scout trip where the boys were fixing up homes in a very poor neighborhood.

In Joseph's mind, they were there to fix ALL the problems-and he could see plenty. There were broken windows to replace, gutters that had fallen down, doors that didn't close, and lots that needed to be painted.

Four other adults had come on the trip to help out and chaperone the boys, plus the Scoutmaster was there. Technically, it was the Scoutmaster's show. Joseph, like the other four adults, was there as manual labor.

What's Wrong With These People?

Joseph got frustrated because the other adults, including the leader, didn't seem as driven as he was. He saw all the problems, and he knew they were going to be hard-pressed to fix all the problems.

The others, though, took a more laid-back approach. They took breaks. They chatted about sports. They weren't as intense as Joseph was about the project.

As we talked about this situation, Joseph became aware that his intensity and his drive to fix all the problems was his issue. He realized his frustration was that the others didn't see the situation the way he did.

That happens frequently for natural problem-solvers. They see a problem and a way to fix it and off they go. The potential conflict comes when others don't see the situation the same way and they are offended by Joseph's abrupt, directorial style.

The Clouds Begin to Part

"It probably would have helped if I had talked with the others about what we expected to accomplish on this trip," he said. "They would have understood where I was coming from, and I would have understood their thinking."

Joseph is a smart man.

To help him catch himself before he jumps in to solve others' problems, he is going to listen to what he says. He particularly is going to listen for himself saying "the problem is . . ."

When he says that, he has to sit back and take a deep breath. He then will check with others to see if they think there even is a problem. He will also gauge their interest in correcting the situation.

Instead of forcing his solution on others, he is going to respect them and get their opinion. If he still thinks there's a problem he needs to fix, he will ask something like "would anyone object if I worked on this situation so it moves better." He will ask permission to save the world.

Joseph's style and behavior isn't going to change overnight. But at least he is making intellectual progress in understanding himself and how he comes across to others.

Talk About Insanity

This issue came up twice today, so I guess there's a need to deal with it.

I was talking with Howard, CEO of an $8 million company. Howard is frustrated with Peter, his CFO.

"Peter doesn't get me the financial reports I need," Howard complained. That stopped me dead-how can a CFO not produce the financial reports that are inherent to the role?

Howard gave me a little more info. "No, he produces the usual financial reports, but he doesn't give me information that I can use for bigger-picture analyses, for long-term planning. I have to ask him for it every month and then it takes several days before Peter provides what I need."

I asked Howard if Peter knew what Howard wanted in addition to the usual stuff. And does Peter understand why Howard wants the information and what Howard uses it for?

"I haven't really explained that," Howard said. "I know I need to sit down with Peter and go over in writing what I want, when I want it, why I want it and what I'm using the information for."

"I know I need to do that," Howard said. "I just haven't done it."

Yikes!

Just Not Doing It

The second situation came up over lunch with a friend. He mentioned that he knows a CEO who admits that he knows what he's supposed to do. But, like Howard, he doesn't do it.

Something is wrong with this picture. At the same time, this picture is very common. We know what we're supposed to do, but we don't do it.

That leads us to the common definition of insanity: Doing the same thing over and over and hoping to get different results. Poor Peter can't produce the results Howard wants because Howard hasn't explained what that is. Yet every month, Howard is hoping Peter will produce those reports.

It doesn't work. We can't read minds.

So, how do you make yourself do what you know you need to do to achieve the results you want?
Human beings are motivated by fear or desire, with fear being the greater force. I may say I am motivated by a desire to attain great wealth, but the real motivator is a fear of losing my house or some such thing.

Howard can use this information on motivation to examine why he doesn't sit down with Peter and go over his needs. Howard desires the reports, but he may fear what he will find when he does get them. Those reports may show Howard is off-base in his long-term thinking.

And our unnamed CEO buddy? He knows what he's supposed to do, but doesn't do it. Without getting too heavy here, it's possible that lack of doing is driven by a fear of failure.

Ways to Get Yourself Moving

If you find yourself or someone you work with in this position, try this approach.

1. Adjust your mindset. Recognize that we learn from mistakes. Buckminster Fuller wrote, "Whatever humans have learned had to be learned as a consequence only of trial and error experience. Humans have learned only through mistakes." Make a "lessons learned" session integral to all work that you do.

2. Just DO something. Stop thinking and act. One client and I discussed analysis paralysis-putting off doing something in the guise of "I'm still analyzing it." Some of us can analyze things forever, which means we delay taking action.

3. Don't aim for perfection. Dan Kennedy, a marketing guru, preaches, "Done is better than perfect." Larry the Cable Guy chants "Get 'er done." All the perfectionists are simply delaying a reality check.

4. Once you've taken action, keep on keepin' on. Don't give up. Read "The Tipping Point" by Malcolm Gladwell for more on this. Often, people try something and when they don't get the expected response the first time, they quit and pronounce that "it doesn't work." This is particularly true with advertising.

5. Recognize that if an idea fails, it isn't that you are a failure. You had an idea, you tried it, and it didn't work. Have a lessons learned session, incorporate what you find, and try again.

As Nike says, "Just do it!"

Take a Deep Breath. . .

This week's call came from Helen. She runs a department with 56 employees, within a very large company. As she said, "I'm starting to lose it."

"When I looked at my calendar for the week, I realized how ridiculous it was. Who am I--Superman? Every day had one thing scheduled after another. Meetings, reports to write, reports to review. Two client lunches. Three performance reviews. It's madness."

Most of us can relate to Helen's situation. Stress is a common factor in our lives. The key is how we react to it.

I have one client, Barry, who is a schedule fanatic. Every minute of his day is scheduled. When someone runs late or something unexpected comes up, Barry freaks. His intensity is visible to those around him. Truth be told, he's not much fun to be around when he's like that.

I suggested that Barry block out two 30-minute periods--one in the morning, one in the afternoon--and leave those times open. Those two periods give him time to accommodate slips in his schedule--a meeting runs over, a client is late, whatever. Those times provide a pressure release for Barry so he can reduce his stress.

Do a Reality Check

I usually keep my Outlook calendar on the monthly view. When I looked at this week's schedule, I almost lost it. What idiot (that being me) had crammed so much into the week? It appeared each day was booked with back to back meetings, presentations, calls, etc.

I needed to get myself grounded in reality. I changed the calendar to the weekly view and what a better view it was. I saw that I actually had some gaps between meetings. I found one meeting I could reschedule for next month. I saw that a couple appointments are with favorite clients, so those are going to be fun. A couple of meetings are to get new clients, which I enjoy.

The bottom line here is that when we lose it, the best thing we can do for ourselves is to get grounded in reality.

Squash That Stress

Here are some other tips for reducing stress.

• Take a walk. Physical activity is a great stress reducer for most people.
• This sounds strange but it works. Schedule worry time. Write your concerns on a piece of paper and put it in an envelope. Write a "worry time" such as 2:15-2:30 on the envelope. Put the envelope aside and don't worry about things until 2:15. After your 15 minutes of worrying, put the paper back in the envelope and put a new worry time on it.
• Another tactic is to write your worries on little pieces of paper. Wad the paper into balls and ceremoniously throw them away.
• If you like organization and are stressed by a lack of it, give yourself 15 minutes to tackle one small area that needs to be cleaned up.
• Practice deep breathing, sometimes called belly breathing. Use your diaphragm to suck in oxygen, which helps you relax.
• Stretch. Your muscles hold the stress you are feeling. Stretching them helps release chemicals produced by the stress.
• Pet a puppy. Smile. Sing a tune. Listen to music. Have fun.

Life is too short to let stress get to you, even in tough times.